Contagion. Plague. Epidemic. 

These are words normally used to apply to transmittable diseases, but now they are often applied to a different word: loneliness.

 

As such a social species, how did this happen? And what can we do about it?

 

Online interactions have swept the world. And in most cases, the data is in: they are not nourishing and sustaining in the same way that in-person friendships are. (Source) There’s nothing wrong with having Discord buddies or a gaming guild - but they should be a supplement, not a replacement for, in-person socialization.

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So, how can you make friends in adulthood?

There are plenty of memes to be found online about how to do it. Which is to say, enough people share the sentiment: it isn’t easy.

 

Here are a few suggestions which have been successful for the author of this page:

1. Join a meetup group centered on a shared hobby. Something focused: bike rides, nature restoration, book clubs. A place where you can meet people with shared interests as s core, but who are also likely to have related interests.

2. Create your own group! The author of this page created a very successful board game meetup which has been the center of a wonderful community. Here’s how it was done:

   1. Find a “third place” near where you live: a business like a coffee shop will likely be very happy to host something. You get a safe, indoor public place to meet, and they get some new regular customers - a win for everyone. “Cost of entry” is as low as a cup of tea or drip coffee. Other examples might be another kind of community center such as a YMCA, or even a church.

   2. Put up a flyer! You didn't need serious graphic design skills here: just a short description of the group, and the date/time you’re proposing. Or it can point to an online gathering point that you’ve set up, such as a Discord server, Nextdoor, Reddit, MeetUp, or the website of the meeting place.

   3. Bring materials for the group! Whether it's board games, scrapbooking materials, yarn for knitting, whatever. Bring whatever you have kicking around, or go to a thrift store and pick up some bargains. Amount of money spent should not be the criteria for the group's success.

   4. Show up regularly and be persistent. Some people will come and go, but slowly you’ll create a group of regulars.

   5. If you created a Discord server or some other place to gather online, let other conversations and threads of interest open up naturally. People may find other shared interests or hobbies, strengthening the burgeoning friendships.

3. Are you having a hard time connecting with people?

   1. Scheduling can be tough. Ask people who show up what time(s) or day(s) are best, and try to adjust. You can ask in person, or through an online poll site such as doodle.com.

   2. Location matters. Do your best to adjust the location if needed to accommodate the group.

   3. Are you just not clicking with people?

      1. Focus on the activity at hand. Sometimes it takes a while to build a rapport with people.

      2. This might be an unusual suggestion, but try reading a self-help book about communication and conversation skills. Not everyone has these naturally. Just remember that there's nothing shameful about bulking up your skills - you might put extra effort to gain new skills in your job, for example. Treat this as the same type of skill-building effort.